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Top 10 reasons why David Letterman should resign


10. He shouldn’t have dipped his pen in the company ink. It happens, we know. But it’s not right, and David Letterman’s admission of sexual affairs with female staff members now puts CBS at great risk. Letterman is in a position of power and has a voice in hiring, firing and promotions. The sexual favoritism card will certainly be played by many female — and possibly male — employees. Network brass won’t admit it — at least not yet — but they are concerned. Sure Letterman hasn’t “officially” violated the company’s harassment policy, as there have not been any formal complaints against him. But expect to see them soon. Lawyers are licking their chops over this one.

9. He can spend more time with his wife and son. That is if Regina Lasko, his wife of seven months, still wants him. Letterman now claims that the sexual activity took place before he was married. Cheating while dating for 23 years apparently doesn’t count. But before we praise Dave for not breaking marital vows, we should question the marital status of those he had sex with. Imagine having your past relationships played out on TV and explaining this to your 6-year-old son. He will have plenty of time to deal with this once he resigns.

8. He is at the top of his game. With Jay Leno now in prime time, Letterman is the new king of late night. He beat NBC’s Conan O’Brien last week with young viewers, and his revelations on last Thursday’s show drew overnight ratings that were up 38 percent from the same night a week prior. Get out while you can, Dave. It’s all downhill from here.

7. He broke the golden Hollywood commandment: Thou shall not covet thy producer’s lover. We know that Joe Halderman was not a producer of “Late Night,” but he has been in the CBS family for years. And until August, he was living with Stephanie Birkitt, the 34-year old woman who worked on the “Late Show” staff and used to work at “48 Hours,” a show Halderman did produce. You apparently have plenty of women to choose from, Dave, so back off the ones taken by friends and family.

6. He really is creepy. The 62-year-old newlywed isn’t exactly a spring chicken. He is old, and the idea of a man who could be collecting Social Security checks getting in the pants of interns doesn’t sit well with us. It’s gross. The fact that this guy has a 6-year-old son is awkward enough. He should be bouncing a grandchild on his lap, not an office staffer.

5. He writes really big, really bad checks. Who would have guessed that a check from David Letterman would be bogus? Joe Halderman was down on his luck and made the mistake of trying to blackmail Letterman for $2 million to get out of financial trouble. He was also pissed that Letterman was boinking his girlfriend. Extortion is wrong; we get that. But Halderman certainly could have made some legitimate cash exposing Letterman’s affairs. It seemed he was trying to allow Letterman off the hook, keep him away from his girlfriend and pay off his debt. Halderman apparently forgot that blackmail is illegal, but how about writing bogus checks? Isn’t that a crime? That’s exactly what Letterman did as part of the sting to catch Halderman, but don’t expect to see his name posted behind the cash register at the grocery store with the other bad check writers.

4. The “victim” thing is already getting old. Letterman is a master at manipulating audiences. He can take serious matters and make them into jokes, but the awkward laughing from the studio audience after his admission of affairs was more than just uncomfortable. It was weird. He successfully convinced the studio audience and those watching at home that he was somehow the victim. This orchestration was as masterful as Paul Shaffer’s cameo in “Spinal Tap.” Nice try, Dave. Funny how things work when the shoe is on the other foot, huh?

3. The infidelity jokes are no longer funny. At least when Bill Clinton screwed around, he wasn’t in a position where he made a living by poking fun at other people’s unfaithfulness. Clinton is what he is, and Americans accept his weaknesses but appreciate his strengths much more. Letterman’s strength was his humor, or at least it was. This isn’t funny, no matter how he tries to spin it. But somewhere in Alaska, Sara Palin is having the last laugh. And a wink.

2. He got sloppy. Like many who get absorbed in their sexual endeavors (John Edwards ring a bell?), Letterman apparently thought he was invincible. He allowed photographs, e-mails and letters to serve as records of his sexual activities. It’s like he wanted to get caught. It makes for good ratings, though, at least for the short term (See No. 8).

And the No. 1 reason David Letterman should resign…

 

He can’t possibly top this stupid human trick. CV



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