Branstad is the white man's answer
I'm so glad the old white people of Iowa voted Terry Branstad back into office. I was tired of living in what had become a progressive state. We already have two coast states (California and Vermont) that have been taken over by hippies, and that's plenty for me. Terry is going to lead us into the past with minorities being oppressed and women back to their traditional subordinate roles. It's all a refreshing throwback to the good old days when a man could be a man. I'm sickened at what our country has become, but I am relieved that the state will receive a big spoonful of Terry medicine over the next four years. My only complaint is that he couldn't find a position for Bob Vander Plaats.
'SoundOff' should cover more sports than just the big four
I enjoy winding down the week with a few laughs from Keith Murphy and that smug Andy Fales on "SoundOff," but I'm sick of the overabundance of popular sports on the show. Sure, we live in Iowa, so I expect a little Hawk/Cyclone/Panther/Bulldog talk in the beginning, but what about the rest of the sports that go criminally uncovered by mainstream media? I watch ESPN 4 (otherwise known as "The Quatro"), but it only runs from midnight to 4 a.m., so I need another place to get my sports fix. Murph and Andy, I'm begging you, showcase some of these amazing sports. There are great battles in lawnmower racing, slap fighting, female pudding/oil wrestling, naked bowling, tazer tag, tractor chicken, hide-and-go-seek league, BASEketball, chess boxing and camel wrestling. Also, I think you need to give that crazy Nebraska fan Cooter Ray his own "Cribs"-style show, because I want to see the inside of his amazing triple-decker trailer set-up!
Vander Plaats in the closet?
My friends and I were out on the town, partying at numerous gay/lesbian bars when I thought my eyes had deceived me. There, on the dance floor, dressed in a fish neck tank top and some tight, shiny pants was someone who looked a lot like Bob Vander Plaats. He was surround by a group of gays, dancing up a storm with a smile on his face. He had longer hair and a moustache, so at first I wasn't sure if it was him. But then, I saw his fake moustache start to come unglued. When I approached him at the bar, he gave me a nasty look and headed out the door. I don't have any proof, but it sure looked like him. The "kill the judges" T-shirt gave it away.
Stefan Le Bon
West Des Moines
The rapture is upon us
For the past decade I have been preparing myself for the end of the world on Dec. 21, 2012. But lately my supply-gathering process has increased 10-fold after reading a recent article in The Des Moines Register by Kyle Munson. Most of the time he writes small-town fluff, but his article a few weeks ago with the church prophets acknowledging the end of the world on May 21, 2011, really opened my eyes... and my underground bomb shelter. Who knew that the end was coming so soon? I mean, that story has to be the truth right? The Register wouldn't lie, would it? I've always been afraid of those crazy church people, but I'm downright frightened now that I've become an avid listener of Harold Camping. He has a direct line to God, so everyone better watch it. The end is near, and if you're not ready, I feel sorry for you. For those of you preparing, Sam's Club has a great deal on canned foods and cuts of meat.
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