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rap sheet

March 31st, 2011 |

Name that crime

1 2
3 4
5 6

 

A. Possession of cocaine and methamphetamine… obviously.

B.Two counts of driving under the influence, possession of cocaine, bringing a controlled substance into a jail facility (not sure where it was being stashed) and driving under suspension.

C. Indecent exposure by playing with his Pee-Wee Herman at an X-rated movie theater.

D. Selling crack cocaine foshizzle.

E. Carrying a concealed weapon just in case he needs to bust a cap.

F. Driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol and possession of marijuana which made this person hallucinate and see dead people.

 

(see answers at bottom of this page)

 

On the clock

Des Moines Police

March 18-24

 

March 19, 5:54 a.m.

Arson at the 3500 block of Army Post Road. Police responded to assist the Des Moines Fire Department with a fire call. Upon reaching the apartment, they found it engulfed in flames. Twenty-two witnesses on the scene confessed to assisting in setting the building on fire, claiming they were sick of the bed bug infestation. They each blamed sleep deprivation, pharmaceutical side-effects and temporary insanity for their behavior. All were arrested, and the building owner was cited for city code violations based on their testimonies.

 

March 20, 3:15 a.m.

Criminal mischief and public intoxication at the 400 block of Court Avenue. Des Moines police received a call from a downtown resident about a suspicious man meandering along the side of the street. Upon arrival, police found a man sitting on the curb with a pipe cutter drinking beer. The man was alert but unresponsive to police. Upon further investigation, police discovered he had used the tool to cut the heads off of eight downtown parking meters. The man was still laughing while the cops cuffed him.

 

March 21, 4:08 p.m.

Animal cruelty at the 5600 block of Easton Boulevard. Police were dispatched to a residence after neighbors called about strange sounds coming from the house. The noises were described as "loud squealing." When officers searched the house, they found insects the size of dogs locked in the basement apparently malnourished and abused. Examinations revealed that two had been the victims of sexual abuse. Others were already dead. A couple living in the home were arrested and fined. APRIL FOOLS

Answers for Name That Crime: 1)F 2)B 3)D 4)A 5)C 6)E APRIL FOOLS