By Jim Duncan
CVFDude@aol.com
Twitter.com/foodude
Stranger than fiction
Nothing in this column is an April Fool's joke. The truth about food is often
stranger than fiction. You can eat it, too. Bob Blumer, host of Food Network's "Surreal
Gourmet," has published "Glutton for Pleasure," a cookbook filled
with April Fool's type jokes. It features recipes for such things as meatloaf
cake, faux french fries made of pound cake, "dog biscuits" that are
actually spice cookies and "flowerpot salad" - a mélange of
greens topped with edible flowers served in a flowerpot. Even if you don't
cook, 2011 has produced plenty of mind-boggling food stories.
There's a jerky black market in New York. According to Buffalo News, police
in western New York have been looking for a thief who only steals beef jerky.
Cheektowaga cops reported the bandit hit six convenience stores there, plus
others in Tonawanda, Kenmore and Amherst. "The only thing we can surmise
is that he's reselling them," said Cheektowaga Police Captain James
Speyer.
The government is encouraging obese people to overeat. The Seattle Times
reported that a government-funded study was seeking already obese volunteers
in St. Louis to willingly "add 1,000 excess calories a day to their
normal diet," in order "to better assess the medical implications
of their condition."
First Lady pushes junk food. The A.P.reported that Michele Obama took time
off from her anti-obesity campaign to defend the following menu that she
ordered for her White House Super Bowl Party - bratwurst, kielbasa, cheeseburgers,
deep dish pizza, Buffalo wings, German potato salad, twice baked potatoes,
Snyder's potato chips, pretzels, dips, salad, ice cream, Yuengling lager,
Hinterland pale ale and amber ale and White House honey ale.
Authorities had to stop Packer fans from eating their opponent. Yahoo News
reported that a Minnesota bar for Green Bay fans celebrated their team's
play-off clinching victory over the Chicago Bears by roasting a 180-pound
black bear in front of customers. Health authorities intervened to prevent
Packer fans from eating the bear.
A Public Enemy rapper targeted Clinton, Iowa, for a fried chicken restaurant.
New York rapper Flava Flav, best known for his work in the group Public Enemy,
chose Clinton, Iowa, for the prototype of his new fried chicken joint, which
he opened next door to a Kentucky Fried Chicken.
"
Following the pasta" is a new police tactic. The A.P. reported that
Italian police caught a cocaine trafficker who had eluded them for 11 years
by tailing his daughter as she brought his favorite restaurant lasagna to
his secret hideaway.
You have to dress up to go to McDonald's. The Daily Mail reported that McDonald's
in Lancashire, U.K., has instituted a dress code after 7 p.m. banning hooded
sweatshirts, tracksuits and athletic attire, as a "security measure." They
also began hiring bouncers to enforce it.
Chinese pigs are potty trained. Reuters reported that Taiwan pork farmers
have begun toilet training their pigs in order "to reduce ground waste
and air pollution." Early tests found that the practice had increased
survival rates, too.
A snake died from silicon poisoning after biting a buxom model. AOL News
reported that Israeli model Orit Fox was rushed to a hospital after being
bitten on her breasts (called "the largest in Israel") by an aroused
boa constrictor. The snake reportedly died of silicon poisoning.
You can get "bunga bunga" with pizza. Forbes reported that a Polish
pizzeria is selling a pie that honors sexual predator and Italian Prime Minister,
Silvio Berlusconi. Called the "bunga bunga," the pizza is topped
with anchovies, figs, prosciutto and black pepper. The magazine said that
combination of ingredients is believed in Poland to be as "spicy and
wild as the Italian leader's sex parties."
NFL strike threatens chicken industry. WLS Radio interviewed a chicken industry
executive who warned America that a pro football strike would cause massive
lay-offs due to football's effect on chicken wing consumption.
Dennis Kucinich sued his lunch. CNN reported that U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich
of Ohio sued a Congressional cafeteria after eating an "unwholesome
and unfit for human consumption" sandwich wrap. APRIL FOOLS
Caption: Meat Loaf Cake from "Glutton for Pleasure."
